Look around yourself and you will find people constantly struggling with their identity, their life remains a constant process of adjusting to everyone’s feedback. They keep on doing this, hoping to be perfect – they suppress their originality and never reach the worldly desired image. You will also find these individuals immersed in self-help books and looking for Harry Potter’s wand to conjure the best image in front of everyone. They live a life full of adjustments and repent this later on like no one’s business, then why do it in the first place?

What I am  going to tell you is opposite to what you may have been hearing day in day out from your managers and career guides–  to become perfect before you starts accepting yourself.

As humans we tend to get judgmental when we like the good parts of our self and detest the other negative parts of our psyche. Denial of existence of our duality leads to suppression of the negative parts or not so cherished parts of our being, we repeatedly don’t want to feel and acknowledge it’s presence. Yet they continue to be in us, closing the eyes does not change the reality. This failure to accept yourself as a bundle of good and not so good parts leads to a endless denials propagating anxiety and negativity.

The answer lies in learning to accept the Ying- Yang of ourselves, being comfortable in holding the good and not so good parts of our self. In simple words ,it means agreeing to the complete you ,as a sum total you are the best! – accepting oneself without any shame , guilt or denial.

What does Accepting oneself mean?

Accepting oneself means being comfortable with whatever you are; it is an innate pose of being at peace with yourself. It is very difficult to accept ourselves whilst our heart wants us to be “picture perfect without a spec of dirt or spot . Acceptance would allow you to “BE” rather than repenting for “NOT BEING” something.

Accepting oneself means looking at yourself without colored glasses or making critical judgments. Take a hard look at yourself – the real you. Accepting yourself doesn’t mean you can’t change anything about yourself, it means recognizing who and what you are, and then making the most of it.

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How to do it

Take a sheet of paper and fold it into two halves, label one side as things that I like about myself and the other side as thing that I don’t like about myself.  Honestly fill up both the columns with thoughts as they come to you, don’t sugar coat or be afraid to pen it down. I have done this exercise with dozens of individuals, mostly the list of things which you don’t like about yourself run into two pages. This is due to the inherent flaw in the current societal and organizational systems wherein every time you are reminded about what you lack and not what you bring to the table.

If I were to ask you to choose between head and tail of a coin and tell me which is better , you will not have an answer. A coin has two sides and both co-exist. Your strength brings  out it’s counter weakness – eg. if you believe you are patient – the flip side is some people will see you as slow. Try to visualize the relationship between the two sides of you – the light side and the dark side. The light side is which we portray to the outer world and the dark side is hidden and kept to our inner dungeons only. Day leads to night and night leads to day – both lead to and into each other – can they be separated?

Remember that you cannot be perfect and it will be equally true to say that you cannot be a perfect failure either.

How does accepting oneself help ?

Accepting and loving you for being yourself is the beginning of a larger journey, it opens you to adapt and accept others for what they are without any caveats. It allows you to relate to others wholeheartedly. You would have realized by now that you do not need to change in order to accept yourself. And the best part the and the world would be in love with each other as you are not “Judgmental” anymore.

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Once you discover who you are you can use your goodness to shape the roles you choose to dawn—both now and in the future.You may have more to gain by developing your gifts and leveraging your strength’s rather working on the weak areas. This will allow you to tap into your known and unknown strengths. You will suddenly feel a gush of uber confidence and tasks which seemed hitherto impossible will seem doable . You will be able to feel a new rush of positivity and a keen desire to take on bigger challenges in life, the work will not become easier however you will not see it as daunting and taxing anymore.

Your friends and true partners will accept you for what you are , and you will be at peace with your real self. Accepting oneself is about carrying your weakness with pride and strengths with humility . Let go of the shame and guilt the world pours on you because you invite it.

You deserve to be happy the way you are !

Jappreet Sethi

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